Friend or fake? How to spot a flake

If you’re looking to expand your tribe or build one from scratch, whatever your friendship goals, differentiating between a genuine pal and a flaky fake can sure be a tough call to make. It’s a fact – friendship can sometimes feel like a game of chess (who moves next?) which makes it even harder to keep your sanity in tact…

For some, the allure of a new friendship fizzles out when there’s no game to be played, or no chase to be had. Many fledgling friendships fizzle out after barely stumbling over the starting block. You got beyond the awkward “hello, how are ya doing” intro message? Kudos – you’re doing better than most!

But how can you find someone whose wavelength is a perfect match – your ideal friendship catch? How can you spot a friend from a fake? Heck, it’s hard enough to get the conversation flowing, never mind being on alert for those fiery red flags. So, to give you a heads up on spotting fakes and staying away from flakes, check out these tips to identify whether that new pal is a forever friend, or a total fake.


So, you’ve been trying to plan that get-together for like, forever?  And the excuses have been coming in thick and fast, right? There’s a pattern emerging but you’d rather not admit it. Sure, in your mind this has so much potential, and you’ve got so much in common. You have the same hobbies and drink the same Starbucks.  You tell yourself they’re just a bit manically busy, and you may even feel abit sorry for their frenetically paced life. But remember, people make time for those they truly care about, and one is never too busy for something that’s important to them. Would you treat a potential love interest with an erratic pattern the same? Probably not. So now it’s time to admit to yourself that this pal is a no go. You deserve better.


Always paying for lunch but never received an offer to reciprocate? You offered your time to help with something, and it wasn’t acknowledged? You went out of your way to do something, but it went unsaid? These are sure signs that your friendship isn’t a two-way street. It’s time to jump on that elevator and get yourself the hell outta there!


You’re polite, honest, kind and thoughtful. You’re as punctual as you can be, and super accommodating (we all need a little extra time occasionally), but your new friend doesn’t quite match. Stay firm on your non-negotiables – your standards. Those are the intrinsic values that make you unique, wholly, and wonderfully you. You deserve a pal who makes you feel appreciated. You must stay sweet, and if she doesn’t reciprocate, it’s time to speak with your feet and WALK.


The moment you start to question your own worth is the moment you run. Did I say the wrong thing? Was I too eager? Was I too kind? Have I given too much away? Chances are if your new friendship is triggering these anxieties in the early stages, it’s probably not going to go away. Good friendships are solidly grounded on good communication – and this works both ways. Don’t be scared to be yourself. Never question your worth. And never let your worth be found in the hands of another person, or determined by their perception of you.

Friendship footnote: If the friendship is still fresh, it’s important to allow for some give and take – your new friend may just need a little time to open up, and that’s totally fine. Some friendships are slow burners and need their time to truly sparkle and shine!

If you’re looking for a new female friendship, head over to the Hey! VINA or check out the Bumble BFF  app and start swiping to find your true tribe.


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